With My Little Eye
by Sita 900
Summary: Balthier decides to tutor Vaan in the arts of pirating. Today's Lesson: Spying. What better subjects to use than those onboard the Strahl? Penelo's snoring, Fran's alone time, and, wait, what the heck are Basch and Ashe DOING? oneshot


**Summary**: Balthier decides to tutor Vaan in the arts of pirating. Today's Lesson: Spying. What better subjects to use than those onboard the Strahl? (Penelo's snoring, Fran's alone time, and- wait- what the heck are Basch and Ashe DOING?) Oneshot.

_This takes place just before the group heads to the Bahamut for the final battle. They decide to relax for one last time before the end!!_

**Warning**: _Rated __**R**__. Maybe a complete __**M. **_Contains SEX! liekomg! but nothing too graphic (hence the **T** rating). Also includes complete silliness! woo!

P.S. I don't own anything but the plot.

* * *

**( With My Little Eye )**

* * *

Penelo's snoring was so loud that nobody could hold a conversation in the cockpit of the Strahl. She sat, hunched back in the chair behind Fran's, her head tossed back and her mouth open wide. As Vaan watched his childhood friend sleep, he suddenly wanted to stick _something _in that wide open trap of hers; a feather, a coin, a cork. Something. _Anything _to silence that choking sound that she was making. Vaan had heard her snoring before, and it was usually quiet gasping noises. But this was _ridiculous_. Vaan practically grimaced with each breath Penelo drew into her lungs.

_A cat, _Vaan decided, staring with wide eyes at the peaceful looking blonde. _She sounds like a cat being choked to death. Or maybe a ship's engine that is about to explode. _

From in front of him, Balthier glanced over his shoulder as he piloted the airship away from Balfonheim Port. The look on his face was mixed with amusement and annoyance. Catching the disgusted look on Vaan's face, Balthier chuckled and turned back around to face the front.

"Does she always do that?" questioned Balthier as he flew them towards Rabanastre. They had all decided to buy some last minute supplies in the Dalmascan city and unwind one last time before embarking on their final journey to the Bahamut. "Quite interesting, I say. You find this attractive in a woman, Vaan?"

Vaan shook himself, breaking free from the hauntingly mesmerizing sound of Penelo's snore. He leaned forward in his seat, bracing himself on the back of Balthier's chair. "She must be really tired, I guess. Give her a break; she didn't have to be doing any of this fighting stuff, anyways."

"Not like we asked her to come along," came Balthier's snide yet joking remark, and Vaan rolled his eyes in his direction. "If I had known she'd sound like a train, I would have left her in Ba'Gamnan's care."

"Let it go," snapped Ashe's annoyed voice from the backseat. Vaan glanced back to thank Ashe for defending Penelo, and found Ashe leaning forward and touching Penelo's shoulder softly.

Penelo woke with a snort, rolling her head forward and opening her eyes. She looked confused, rubbing at her face as she noticed several pairs of eyes on her. "Hmm, huh?"

"Penelo," Ashe explained, still leaning forward in her seat. "It is a long way back to Rabanastre. It may be best for you to get some rest in one of the ship's cabins."

"That's a good idea," Vaan chimed in, giving Penelo a comforting smile. "You're obviously exhausted."

"Y-yeah," came Penelo's groggy voice. She rubbed at her sleepy eyes and then stumbled out from her chair. With a small, tired wave, she moved out from the cockpit and disappeared into the Strahl's long corridors.

"See, was that so hard," Ashe demanded as she relaxed back into her chair.

Balthier chuckled again from the pilot's seat. "You saved the world, Princess. For a moment there, I thought I would have to pilot us right into the ground."

"Okay, enough is enough," Vaan barked out, beginning to become agitated with the way in which Balthier was making fun of his friend.

A moment of silence flashed between them, and then Fran broke the tension by releasing a noiseless yawn. She turned her head to Balthier, her silver hair nearly flicking Vaan in the eye when she did so.

Her voice came out in a soft purr, "I, too, must get some rest. Will you be alright piloting by yourself?"

"Indeed," her partner replied. "If something should go _terribly _wrong, I will have Vaan take over."

"Then we are indeed doomed," Fran replied, and Vaan scoffed from his seat.

"Hey--" he tried to object.

"I shall stick to autopilot, then," Balthier responded to Fran with a small wink.

_Is it pick on Penelo and Vaan day? I mean, __really_

As Fran tracked her way through the maze of seats and out of the cockpit, Vaan heard Ashe lean sideways and whisper something inaudible to Basch. Basch responded, and wordlessly the Princess and her Knight stood and followed Fran out of the area. Vaan, now alone with his idol, took it upon himself to move into the co-pilot's seat. The leather was still warm from Fran's body, and Vaan smiled to himself. Leaning forward, he grasped the ship's secondary wheel.

Balthier cast a quick and confused glance at Vaan. "What _are _you doing?"

"You need a co-pilot, don't you?" Vaan inquired, not letting go of the wheel. He stared straight out ahead of them into the horizon. "Teach me the ropes, Balthier. I've got to learn somehow."

Balthier snorted, "Well, you're certainly not learning how to fly in _my _airship. Besides, a thief becomes a successful pirate by learning many things _before _learning how to fly."

Vaan was intrigued_. Is he offering to teach me the secrets of sky pirating? _He tried to hide his excitement. "Like what?"

The twenty-two-year-old man was amused. "Where to begin? The basics of stealing- or _borrowing_, if you will. You must be _personable _to be a good pirate- something you clearly lack. Being able to spy properly is something you need to do well. And you must--"

"Teach me that," Vaan interrupted, an excited gleam in his eyes.

"Come again?"

"Spying."

Balthier raised an eyebrow with peaked interest. "You want to know how to spy above all else? There is _thief _in you yet. But alright, I will humor you: Today's lesson will be spying."

Balthier leaned forward and began to push a series of buttons on the main control panel, and Vaan leaned in to witness what Balthier was doing. He was entering a code- the directions to Rabanastre- for he was setting up the autopilot. Vaan quickly asked if it was dangerous to leave the cockpit abandoned, and to this Balthier laughed and assured him that the Strahl was quite able to take care of herself. Yet when they stood and moved away from the front of the airship, Vaan found himself a bit confused:

"Wait- how can we spy on anything if we're up in the sky?"

Balthier looked at him as if he was the most idiotic person in all of Ivalice. "You do realize that we have four perfectly good candidates right at our disposal?"

Vaan was appalled. "I can't spy on them. They're my _friends_, Balthier. They trust me _not _to spy on them."

"Which is why they make such good volunteers," Balthier explained, his eyes filled with excitement. He added, "What they don't know won't hurt them."

"What about Fran," Vaan objected. "If she finds out that you--"

"Where do you think I learned this from," Balthier inquired, sounding almost annoyed with his questions. "I learned from the best; she would _expect _me to use her as an example."

"But--"

"Look," Balthier stated, sounding bored. "Do you want to learn or not?"

"Well, yeah."

"Then stop asking such _useless _questions. You're training to be a _sky pirate_, not a bloody good Samaritan."

Balthier stuck a good point. Vaan knew that even if he wanted to be an honorable sky pirate, he would have to lie, cheat, and steal from the innocent on occasion. He nodded towards Balthier's annoyed face, and the older man relaxed and motioned for Vaan to follow him through the long corridors.

The first door on the left was closed completely, but they could clearly hear the noise of what sounded like a dying pig from behind the heavy door. Balthier smirked, and Vaan dodged between Balthier and the door.

"Uh, I'm not so sure I'm comfortable spying on Penelo when she's sleeping," Vaan protested weakly, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment. _If Penelo found out, she'd..._

If possible, Balthier's smirk widened. "Of course not. It is far too easy to spy on someone who is sleeping. We shall come back when she's awake."

Before Vaan could protest, Balthier had moved on. Two doors down was Fran's cabin. The Viera's door was open a good six inches, allowing Balthier and Vaan perfect visual access into Fran's room. Vaan went to press his face and body up against the space between the door and the frame, but Balthier suddenly grabbed Vaan's shoulders and pushed him back and away from Fran's room.

"Listen," Balthier whispered hotly into Vaan's ear. "You _must _be more secretive about going about this. You don't stand _in front _of the door; you stand off to the _side_. You don't make a single noise while standing there. You don't even _breathe_. Do you understand?"

A nod from the apprentice, and Balthier gave him a satisfied nod. "Now, watch and learn."

Moving away from Vaan, Balthier slinked to the edge of the doorway and planted his back firmly against the wall. The left side of his body lined perfectly against the doorframe, and he turned his head slowly to the left. Craning his head over his shoulder, he peered into the cabin using one eye. He watched for a few seconds; five, maybe, and then slowly pushed himself away from the door. With a silent nod and wave, he motioned for Vaan to approach and try the technique out for himself. Vaan happily obliged, feeling his heart pounding hard against his rib cage. Spying was one thing, but spying on the mysterious, exotic, and not to mention sexy Viera made Vaan nearly weak in the knees.

He mimicked Balthier's technique: his shoulders were square against the wall and the left side of his body in line with the edge of the doorframe. Excitedly, he twisted his head to peer into the cabin.

There stood Fran, half in his field in vision and half blocked by the door. He watched intensely, and realized slowly that she was changing out of her metal and leather getup into a cotton shirt so she could sleep. Vaan's eyes widened as she bent down- keeping her legs painfully straight- and unbuckled the black stiletto's that encased her sharp-clawed feet. Once her feet were free from their cages, she began to unclasp the metal on her long legs, working up from her ankles. Vaan watched hungrily, feeling himself growing dizzy, unable to believe that he was about to witness Fran in all her naked glory.

A hard grasp on his shoulder, and then Vaan was suddenly pulled away from the vision of beauty. He found himself face-to-face with Balthier, who raised an eyebrow with mild disgust.

"Watching for more than five seconds is a sure way to get yourself caught," Balthier scolded him in a hushed whisper. Patting him gently on the shoulder the way a man would pet an obedient dog, Balthier pushed by Vaan and past Fran's room. "Try to pay better attention next time, hm?"

Vaan followed his teacher, but tried to catch one last glance inside Fran's room as he hurried by. Unfortunately for him, he didn't see Fran. She _must have walked to the other side of the cabin,_ Vaan knew.

It didn't matter. The next room was Ashe's, and lastly Basch's. While he didn't really care what Basch was up to, his curiosity peaked the most when thinking about Ashe alone in her cabin. While she wasn't quite the beautiful goddess that Fran was, Ashe still had a fairly high appeal. The door to Ashe's cabin was shut, yet the door was poorly made and was slanted on its hinges. Balthier regarded the slanted door with frustration, but to Vaan it meant an opportunity to spying on Ashe. After all, the slanted wood offered a two-inch gap between the door and its frame, giving the two men just enough room to view the contents of the room.

This time, Balthier didn't demonstrate. He simply waved Vaan on to try out the learned technique. Vaan tried once again: _Okay, press your back against the wall. Good, now line yourself up against the frame. Alright, now turn your head and look in... There's Ashe, and-- wait, is that Basch in there with her?_

Basch stood in front of the Princess, his eyes locked on her face. Ashe, whose back faced the door and Vaan's curious eyes, had her hands behind her, and was busy unclasping her leather midriff cover. By now, Vaan was dangerously nearing the five-second mark, but he was dying to know why in the hell Ashe was removing part of her outfit in front of Basch. The leather garment slid off of her pale skin and fell to the floor in a heap, and Vaan was treated to a view of the smooth crevices that made up Ashe's thin back. Basch lowered his eyes- which were filled with interest- down to Ashe's stomach area. Vaan's eyes widened with realization._ Wait, are they--?_

A rough hand gripped his shoulder again. _Balthier, no, not now! Not when it's about to get good!_ As Balthier tried to pull Vaan away, the younger boy wriggled out from beneath his grasp and turned to fully face him. With an excited gleam to his eye, Vaan offered Balthier a sly grin.

With a whisper, Vaan pointed towards the crack in the doorway. "I spy with my little eye..."

He dropped down onto his knees, his whole body facing the doorway, and moved closer to the crack in the door. "...A princess undressing for a knight."

"_What?_"

The shock and confusion in Balthier's voice pleased Vaan to the core. For once, Balthier was the one confused and left out in the dark. Not that Vaan cared about that now. He was far too busy pressing his eye against the crack in the doorway, struggling to get a better view. Through the small opening he witnessed that Ashe was now completely topless, and her white overcoat hung coyly in her hand. Basch looked awkward as he stood unmoving before the Princess, yet his face was filled with hunger and yearning. Vaan, rather distastefully, wished that Ashe would turn around- _just for a second_- so that he too could see the reason as to why Basch looked _so _happy.

Ashe dropped her overcoat and raised her hands up to her body, where she dragged her fingers achingly slow up her sides and then around to the fronts of her breasts. Vaan watched as Basch swallowed hard, taking in every moment like it he didn't, then Ashe would vanish before him. The half-naked woman ran her fingers through her blonde hair, twisting several strands between her fingers, and then lowered her hands down to her waist and began to unbuckle the blue belt that rested on her hips.

Vaan's view was interrupted by Balthier shoving him roughly to the side, where he collapsed into a pile on the floor. Balthier, who was obviously as curious as all hell, peered into the opening of the door. Vaan watched as Balthier's eyes went from displeased to wide with disbelief, and his jaw dropped slightly from shock.

Five seconds passed, and Balthier made no move to follow his rule by backing away. Taking the hint that Balthier planned to stay for the show, Vaan pulled himself back up onto his knees and slid in between Balthier and the door. Balthier stood on the tips of his toes, hovering above Vaan's head so they could both watch. With Vaan below Balthier, the two watched the situation with great interest.

Ashe, who had removed her belt but still wore her mini skirt, was now pressed up against Basch and running her slender hands through his rugged blonde locks. Basch moved his face down towards hers and tried to kiss her, but she latched her hands onto a fistful of his hair and yanked his head away from hers. He winced loudly but seemed to enjoy the brief moment of pain. Ashe was teasing him, Vaan knew, wanting to hold him at bay until the last possible second.

She pushed him away from her roughly, moving slowly and enticingly towards the lone bed in the cabin. Basch's eyes followed her intensely. Sitting down upon it, Ashe slid her body back towards the middle of the bed. Her body now faced Vaan and Balthier, but _damnit_- Basch's back blocked the view of the half-naked Ashe.

_Please move, please move, please move._

Basch shifted his weight to the side, giving the two sneaky pirates a full view of the seductive and bewitching Princess. Her smooth, pale skin; the full shapes of her perfect breasts; the gorgeous curves of her body; the alluring look on her face. It was a complete eyefull for all three of the men who watched her.

The goddess, half sitting and half laying, raised one leg straight up into the air. Her flexibility _astonished _Vaan, and he briefly wondered how _anyone _could keep a leg so straight while sitting like _that_. She raised her hands up to the top of her ankle, where she made quick work of her pink and gold boots. In a flash the boots and golden leg armor were gone, leaving behind a toned, muscular leg. She performed the same task on her other leg, and when she wore nothing but her pink skirt, she lowered her legs and rolled over onto her stomach. Resting on her elbows, she formed a luring grin across her face and beckoned Basch using her right index finger.

Basch was all too happy to approach her, and Vaan was so hypnotized by her that _he _almost approached her as well. Yet he had _some _bit of self-control left inside him, and he watched excitedly as Ashe climbed up onto her knees and yanked Basch clean out of his red vest and white undershirt. Finally, she allowed him to touch her body, and the poor man went nuts after having to endure such teasing. He pushed her down onto her back on the bed and climbed on top of her body. He covered his mouth with hers, then kissed his way down her neck and chest. Ashe's eyes was closed- her mouth open in pure ecstasy, as Basch lifted her up at the waist and began to remove her pink skirt.

Vaan turned his head up momentarily to look up at Balthier, whose face was filled with amusement.

"When you said '_spying'_, I never thought you'd mean _this_," Vaan whispered out to Balthier.

"Will you _shut up_," snapped Balthier as quietly as possible. "_This _is why you spy! For sometimes you catch shows such as _this_!"

Nodding, Vaan turned his head to again look at the show. By now, Basch had somehow lost all his clothes as well. _They must be really desperate- how did he get his pants and boots off so quick? _His body was in between her thighs and he was kissing at her neck again.

"I do hope that when I am in my mid thirties, I can still be bedding women that are as beautiful as her," Balthier chuckled quietly to Vaan. "Any doubts I had in my mind about Basch are now _gone_. He is _having _a royal Princess. Gods, what a lucky man."

The sound of footsteps off to their left startled both Vaan and Balthier. They turned their heads and looked up sharply to see none other than a very amused looking Fran standing beside them with her hands locked onto her hips. She smirked down at them, seeming to know exactly what was going on. Vaan and Balthier peered up at her, both with wide eyes and mouths, looking like two children who got caught with their hands in an off-limits cookie jar.

"I believe the show is over," came Fran's teasing voice.

"I'm afraid it has just begun," Balthier explained to her, not moving from where he stood.

"If you do not leave this instant," she threatened, the tease still rich in her voice. "I shall make you march in there and explain yourselves."

Well, neither of them wanted _that_.

In their hurry to move out of the way, the worst possible thing happened: Vaan stood up too quickly, and Balthier not quickly enough. Vaan ended up smashing his skull against the base of Balthier's chin, and the blow sent the two of them into a dizzy, disoriented fall right into the closed cabin door.

The door crashed open; the two thieves fell into a heap on the cabin floor.

Ashe released a frightened squeal when she saw the two collapse inside her room, and instantly Basch jumped away from his lover. As the Princess quickly dove beneath the covers of the bed, Basch instead chose not to cover himself but gave a death glare to the two men on the ground. From outside the cabin and hidden safely from sight, Fran stiffened back a laugh.

_Shit, shit, shit!_

The two accidental intruders picked themselves up quickly, mumbling jumbled words of apologies and struggling to point the blame at each other. Basch was even quicker to trudge angrily over to the two. He was shouting out words of anger, threatening them, yelling at them- the whole nine yards; or inches in Basch's rather nude case.

The older man pushed at them hard, and the two scrambled from the cabin as swiftly as they could. Not surprisingly, Basch slammed the cabin door in their faces.

From beside them, Fran greeted them with a happy smirk. "Teaching the boy how to spy? I see you still have much to learn."

Balthier's face was red with humiliation, and he grinned foolishly back at his Viera partner. "I guess you'll have to grant me with more lessons, hm?"

Vaan ran a hand nervously through his blonde locks and he moved away from the door. "Until then, I think I'll stick to simple thieving."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Silly, I know. But come on- we all know Vaan and Balthier aren't above catching a free porn show!

* * *


End file.
